Cosmic Love
by Calla Mae
Summary: Where does love end? Is it where hate begins? What of a love born from the hatred of two races; would they ever stand a chance, or were they doomed from the start? The untold story of Thorin and the elf he fell in love with. ThorinXOC
1. a falling star fell from your heart

_there's an inn, there's an inn, there's a merry old inn beneath an old gray hill_

She was drawn to the sound of music, much too hard and much too loud to be beautiful, knowing she would not like what she found. She had seen Gandalf, had heard the muted whispers of the dwarves that were being housed. But she was a moth flying toward the flame, yearning for the light it could just barely see, knowing she would burn in the end.

The years had weathered him, speckled gray in his dark hair, carved lines in his once smooth face. A small smile curled his mouth as the dwarves sang, his feet tapping to the song. Oh how she had longed for him, oh how she felt every year creep slowly by without his touch. No relief was found in seeing him, only pain. Two centuries of an ache buried deep in her chest, that no matter how she clawed at her heart her fingers could not reach it. No, there was no relief to be found.

_While the landlord shook the Man in the Moon: "It's after three!" he said._

Out of the corner of his eye he caught sight of dark hair, of a pale face that had not once ceased to haunt his dreams. All mirth fell from his face when he turned to her, as though he had wiped it away with a rag. She was as he remembered her, hardly a day older; nothing to show for the years that had passed. Never again would he look upon a woman's face and think her lovely, never again would a woman other than this one make his heart quicken with a single glance.

Darkness clouded in his eyes, churning as a storm would on a gray sky. There was no love in his look, no fondness in his face; a searing hatred settled in his features, his gaze heavy and burning on her face. He watched as she stepped back, a shadow settling over her until she disappeared beneath it.

* * *

"_It is beautiful, don't you think?" she asked softly staring into the great hall that led to Thror's throne. It were as though a green light had been captured behind the stone, gleaming splendidly like fireflies.  
_"_I suppose," Legolas said turning her head with his disdainful tone, "if you enjoy living in the ground." His eyes softened in regret when he looked down to see her dismayed face, realizing she truly thought it lovely rather than being courteous.  
She saw his smile, and she accepted his apology by giving him her own. "We will be here a fortnight," she told him, "you should try to find a way to enjoy it."  
He nodded, looking to see that the dwarf prince and his friend were whispering as they watched them. "It is more enjoyable with you here," he said thinking it would have been unbearable without her. _

_Thorin stood waiting for his grandfather and the elvenking to finish exchanging false courtesy before they feasted, watching the two elves standing behind their king. "What do you think they are talking about?" he asked Balin.  
Balin stood beside his prince, his closest friend. "Elvish things," he muttered, the word elvish falling from his mouth as though the taste of it disgusted him.  
Thorin smirked at that though his eyes clung to her face, wondering who she was and who the elf prince was to her. He had never seen an elf, neither had Balin for they were both still young and elves were not common guests in the house of dwarves; but neither could deny their beauty. They were as different from dwarves as the day was to night, and Thorin sighed dazedly when she smiled.  
_

_The sound of Thror's laughter brought him back to the surface of what might have been a wondrous dream, and Thorin blinked and tore his eyes from the she-elf's face. _

_Thranduil stood looking down at the dwarf king feigning politeness, though his eyes gave away his unhappiness. "My son, Legolas," he said, and the elf prince stepped forward and bowed his head to Thror. "My daughter, Eliniel." _

_Thorin watched as she stepped forward, bowing her head as well, a small smile on her sweet face. "From where does she get such dark hair?" Thror asked, having bowed his own head only slightly. _

_Thranduil tried to smile, though Thorin thought it looked more a grimace. "Her mother," was his curt answer. Thorin saw the sadness on her face, her brother brushing his fingers against her own as a means of comfort, and he was struck with the urge to hear her speak to him in a tongue he understood, to make her smile, to clear the sadness from her eyes. He wanted to know her._

* * *

_**I've been craving writing another Thorin story so I'm trying my hand at writing him in love with an elf - I suppose they will be like a Tolkien(esque) version of Romeo and Juliet, which I'm actually kind of loving the thought of. Please let me know whether or not you're intersted, that way I know how often to update. Thank you very much for reading. **  
_


	2. and landed in my eyes

_Thorin found her sitting by the river, an old faded book in her lovely hands. "How has this day been treating you, milady?" he asked, meeting her eyes when she turned to him. _

_She smiled softly before answering, "it is treating me well, my prince." _

_"Thorin," he said looking down to see the etchings of the river she'd carved into the page, "will do nicely." He watched her smile as she looked away, wishing very much in that moment to have seen the light in her eyes that came when she smiled. _

_"As will Eliniel," she said softly, looking up at him when he reached for her book. She watched his face closely as he flipped through the pages of her drawings, his features not giving way what he thought of them. Only Legolas ever looked at what she drew and even then he only glanced at it before leaving to practice shooting. She was struck suddenly by the strong want of the dwarf prince's approval, of his praise; a feeling that spread a warmth through her chest. "I know they aren't much," she said feeling flustered. _

_"They are beautiful," he said firmly, not offering any means of humility. And they were, his eyes had caught sight of a familiar hall, glowing green even on the paper, the gleam of the Arkenstone small in the distance. They hardly looked like drawings at all, even the ones without color; her nimble fingers carving lines delicately in a way a dwarf could not. "Even the ones of my home," he said quietly, knowing her father held no love for dwarves. _

_"You have a beautiful home." _

_He looked down at her, seeing her lovely pale face and her kind blue eyes, her hair the color of the darkest night barely hiding the point of her ears. "Do you like Erebor, Eliniel?" he asked, curving his tongue around her name, watching as her lips pressed into a guilty smile – seeing she would not lie to him. _

_She wanted to tell him yes, to tell him its beauty made it more grand a home than any other; but she did not. "I enjoy the sun on my skin," she admitted. _

_He nodded, for as a wood elf she would. She missed her trees. Holding a hand out to her he smiled. "Come with me," he offered, seeing her eyes widen in surprise. _

_His eyes were soft as he stared down at her, his mouth quirked in a half smile as he waited. She shouldn't go with him, if Legolas were here he would have taken her away the moment Thorin spoke to her; she knew to tell him no, that she had better things to do than to walk with a dwarf – it is what was expected of her, and they both knew it. She surprised them both when she took his hand, a spark of heat running through them both, and he pulled her to her feet._

* * *

Eliniel sat on the edge of the bed brushing her wet hair, hearing the door open and close softly; knowing it was Thorin without turning to see. Never would she forget the feel of him, as though her heart could not beat without him. She felt his nearness in the very fabric of her soul, felt his presence flowing in her bloodstream. In another time she would have turned to him and smiled and her heart would have fluttered at the sight of his own, she would have welcomed him into her arms and reveled in the safety of being pressed against his chest. But this was not that time, that time had ended over a century ago.

"Why are you here?"

Age had deepened his voice, hardening it with bitter loss and festering loathing; and it pierced her heart with longing like a sword. She did not turn to him, did not give in to the desire to look upon his face when she knew his dark eyes would destroy her.

He stood a little behind her, close enough to smell the flowers she'd bathed with, watching as she ran a comb through her long dark hair. There was an itch in his fingers to reach for her, a need in his body to hold her. He hated her for feeling these things, for needing her.

"I am visiting my kin," she answered, her voice a soft sweet melody that had played in his mind from the moment he left her. It drew him to her, reeling him closer, the smell of her stronger, the feel of her warmth embracing him as he stood against her back.

Her breath caught in her throat and a fire ignited beneath her skin at the feel of his hand running over her chest to wrap around her throat. Her skin was silk to his calloused hands, pale as milk in the moonlight. She was a breath of air and he was suffocating. Years ago his touch had ruled her, gentle needy hands asking permission. Now his hands were rough, taking what was already his; it was long past the time for asking.

* * *

_Thorin held her hand in the crook of his arm, feeling her warmth searing him through the fabric of his clothing as they walked. Her eyes took in everything as they moved deeper into the mountain, climbing stairs, entering and leaving different rooms; curious eyes of both dwarves and elves following the two. _

_He did not care, for the heat of her body had him walking in a fog, blinding all common sense. He had a hold of her hand, his fingers covering her own as he led her to a specific room. _

_"Oh," she breathed, staring up at the rock ceiling at the sunlight shimmering through a crack in the ceiling. _

_His eyes traced the curve of her long neck, pale smooth skin painted gold in the light; his fingers aching to run along its length. He blinked into awareness at the thread in which his thoughts had spun, turning from her to stare up at the light she seemed so captivated by. It truly was beautiful, a golden hue stretching along the stone, reaching for them and bathing the two in its warmth. _

_"I can't wait to draw it," she said softly, turning his head to her with her sweet voice to see her even sweeter smile. A smile curled on his lips before he realized what he was doing, his fingers running along hers of its own accord, and she hardly seemed to notice but for the patterns the sunlight made in the air. _

_"Eliniel?" _

_Her smile evaporated as she turned to the sound of her brother's voice, one of their men having spoken with Legolas of her being with the dwarf prince in case their father should see. It was then she realized Thorin still had a hold of her hand, her fingers grasping his arm; a soothing warmth had enveloped her, spread through her until she wanted nothing more than to stare at the way the light glimmered in the air above her – and she had been content with Thorin at her side. _

_Cold spread where her hand had been, and he watched as she walked to her brother; Legolas' eyes glaring as he placed a hand around Eliniel's back and led her away, the sound of their elven tongue drifting back to him. _

_"What were you doing with him?" Legolas demanded furiously, looking around them to see if his father was near. _

_The anger rolled from him in waves and it weighed on her shoulders. "He was only showing me something," she offered softly as a means of defense. _

_"We have been here naught but two morns and already he looks at you too freely," Legolas said, tightening his hand around her waist as he pulled her down another hall; having caught sight of their father's pale hair. "He is young, Eliniel. And foolish enough to allow himself thoughts of you," he said leading her to their room, knowing their father was now looking for her. _

_She looked up at him in disbelief. "He is a dwarf prince," she said in Thorin's defense, "he would never allow himself those thoughts." _

_Legolas pushed her into the room, peering down the hall to see Tauriel was stalling his father as he'd asked her too. "I saw the way his eyes glanced over your face, he is a fool," Legolas said searching for her drawing book, knowing it would be enough of an excuse for her whereabouts; she drew constantly. But he did not find it, for it was tucked in Thorin's belt and he was walking back to his own room as he tried to shake her from his mind. "We need a reason for your not being in the room," he said, thinking frantically for something. _

_"Legolas," she said trying to calm him, "what is so important about my not being with Thorin?" _

_He turned to her appalled at her use of the dwarf's name. "If ada learned you'd been with him, Thror's grandson." He didn't have to continue, Eliniel knew their father would lock her in this room for all but the evening's feast, refusing her to shame him. They both turned at the sound of the doorknob being turned, and Eliniel gasped softly at a sharp pain on her palm, looking up to see Legolas putting his dagger away and pressing a cloth to her now wounded hand. This would be their reason for her absence, a fitting one for her and Legolas often sparred together; and she was struck then by the feeling that no one in all of Middle Earth could ever love her more than her brother._

* * *

**_Thank you all so much for the follows and favorites and reviews, it really means a lot to me. And I know probably say that a lot, but it does._**

**_PS: thanks. It feels good to be writing another one._**


	3. I screamed aloud as it tore through them

_Three loud thuds sounded on the door early the next morning. Eliniel tied her robe around her before opening the door, feeling more exposed in her simple sleeping gown and robe than if she'd completely nude when she saw Thorin standing on the other side. _

_"Eliniel," he greeted warmly, holding out her drawing book. _

_She felt his stare like a fire on her face. "Thank you," she told him, not daring to say his name - watching that choice settle on his already hardening face. Regret filled her the moment the light left his eyes, for he had been so kind to her. He nearly thrust the book in her hand before turning away from her. "Thorin," she called softly in a blind rush of courage, watching as he turned and waited for her to continue. "Thank you," she said again, her sweet voice drawing him closer, "for yesterday. It was beautiful." _

_He looked up at her, seeing the shy smile that was nearly hidden as she leaned against the door. Her eyes gave her away, he could see the attraction in their depths, see the want for him to stay though they both knew he should not - her eyes mirrored his own. As though he were attached by a string he was pulled closer to her. "There are others," he said, placing his hand on the door, his fingers reaching to brush against her own. "I can show you all of them." _

_His touch was lightning, burning her skin, leaving her breathless. "I would like that very much," she said softly, many of the words getting lost before they reached his ears. _

_But he understood, saw the want written all over her face. With a devilish grin he took her hand and brought it to his mouth, pressing his lips to her skin for several lingering moments before he released her. She smiled softly as he stepped back, seeing his nod before she closed the door and then the sound of his feet as he walked down the hall. Her heart was a drum in her chest, pounding a frantic rhythm, her skin tingling where his mouth had been, where his beard had rubbed against it. _

_"You are the reason." _

_She turned slowly to see her brother's confused eyes. He'd stayed with her through the night, speaking of kinder things after his previous harsh words of her being with the dwarf prince. He saw now that he had been right, that he had not been harsh enough. _

_"You are why he is so free with you, you welcome it, you," he did not finish; she enjoyed it. She enjoyed the way the dwarf looked upon her, the way his hand trailed to hers. He had often wondered when she would accept the advances of a suitor, for there were many of their kin who had spoken of wishing to court her though she had never showed interest. Apparently, he saw, they were not her taste; she preffered prideful, arrogant, hard-headed, stubborn, infuriating men. Yet even then, staring at her flushed cheeks and the light sparkling in her eyes - he could not tell her never to see him again, could not bare to be the one to tear the light from her eyes._

* * *

"Why are you here?" she asked softly, lying naked on the bed as Thorin pulled on his shirt.

Her skin was cream in the pale moonlight, white as lace and just as lovely. He knew how soft it was, how warm she was; he'd spent the last hour revelling in the feel of her as he had yearned to for over a century. Joy had only ever been found on the planes of her face, mapping the expanse of her body, swimming in the ocean of her dark hair, painted on her lovely mouth, hiding between her legs. He'd never find joy anywhere else, though he looked, though he would continue to look; and even then, knowing his happiness lived in her, he continued to redress so that he may leave her. "My company and I are passing through," he said curtly, offering no more.

She turned to him then, her eyes heavy on his back, knowing why he was angry with her - and knowing more that he was unjust in his anger. "Thorin son of Thrain son of Thror, King under the Mountain," she said, her lovely voice curling around his name so intimately, "I know where it is you journey to."

Her face was soft as she looked at him, her eyes void of the darkness that reigned in his. He had no answer for her, none that would not break her heart. He had ceased allowing himself the honesty of loving her, had instead twisted it until it was something he could stomach - something she could not. He disliked that she knew the purpose of his quest, though if anyone were to know it would be her - she always believed he would make a great king. But that was not what she was asking, and he would not tell her that he had come simply because he had missed her - it was his darkest secret, one he guarded closely. "Do not ask that which you cannot stand the answer to," he warned her as he pulled on his boots, standing as he prepared to rid himself of her.

She knew not to ask what she wanted to - if she were truly so awful - for she knew he did not think she was, only he would say she were because of the father she had been born to. It left her with nothing else to say, in fear of his response and the brief flash of regret in his eyes after he spoke. She was protecting herself, saving her heart from the sharp end of what he'd say; but she protected him as well, for his words were a double ended sword and as they pierced her heart so too they pierced his own. So she said nothing, instead she stood and took up his coat holding it out for him.

"Stay with me, but a few moments more," is what her gesture asked of him, leaving the choice his to take or cast aside; and she so hoped he would take it, even if prolonging his stay did nothing more than tear her apart.

He hesitated, knowing what it was she was asking and finding her uncovered body more alluring than he ever had before. It was not possible to refuse her, not when she stood so invitingly, so willing for him to reach for her. He took the coat from her hand, tossing it on the bed carelessly - wanting nothing more than to spend even the smallest of moments more. He stepped forward as he undid his belt, forcing her back as he removed his clothes and threw them aside; not until she sat on the sill of the window did he stop inching her back, not wanting to look up at her anymore. The air was cold on their skin, his hand wound in her hair as he arched her neck.

"I will have you screaming my name," he whispered in her ear, his voice hard and unyielding. "Let them all know you enjoy laying with a dwarf." He cared not for her gentle heart, for her light spirit, he cared no more than she. For she pulled his mouth to hers, kissing him more fiercely than she'd ever dared; she desired him in the strongest of ways, in the darkest. And they both knew it would be her ruin.

* * *

**_PS: yes, Legolas is very clever; and a very good brother._**

**_The Guest: Thank you very much for reviewing. It would give Thorin and Kili some common ground, though the elves they fall in love with show how different their hearts are. And Balin will tell the group of her and Thorin, and there may be a bit of a surprise thrown in there. But that will come a little later, after the group meets her. So probably right before they go to Beorn's._**


	4. and now it's left me blind

It was some time later before he returned to his company, finding them all fast asleep as he himself should have been. Though even when he knew better he had never truly been able to resist her, not when the mere sight of her echoed in the thud of his heart. It was something he had once loved, had once needed as though she were the very air he craved to breathe. He had tried unceasingly to hate her, had thought he did hate her; though a look upon her face, or a hand upon her skin, and hate was no more than a breath released on a chilled wind.

These were the thoughts, like a plague to his mind, that kept him awake as he stared out at the elven stronghold. As though by fate. For his eyes saw a figure in the distance, her hair dark beneath the moonlight before she covered herself in a hooded cloak. He'd know her form anywhere, her long lithe silhouette he had etched into his memory. It should have brought him joy to have driven her away, to not have to make a farewell; knowing the yearning that would pierce his heart as he left her. It should have at least brought him peace. But there was nothing, he was empty as he watched her gracefully climb atop her horse, watched her turn her eyes to his balcony as though she could feel his eyes upon her, and then as she spurred her horse forward.

He had redressed and left her, not taking note of her silence to know that she was troubled. Not caring to look at her face and see the shine in her eyes from his cruelty. He did not see her cry, nor would she would have let him. It left him following her with his eyes not fully understanding her sudden departure, why she could not bear another moment with him so near that she left without her guards. He did not understand that he had wounded her in a way that made it impossible to stay, and so he was forced to watch her leave. His heart yearning to follow. Though instead he turned his back on her as she retreated, and he laid beside his kin and tried to find rest. He did not find peace in slumber: his peace was racing away as though fleeing from a foe, her heart as old and weary as his own.

* * *

_Legolas watched his sister closely in the following days, gluing himself to her side and occupying her time with trivial things she quickly grew wearisome of. He saw her eyes wander away, often finding the dwarf prince and seeing the small smile that etched itself on her mouth when she met his warm eyes. He did all he could to plant himself between them, digging roots as deep as he could to keep her from Thorin's sight; though dwarves were stubborn, and he very much enjoyed her company. _

_The dwarf's infatuation did not worry Legolas, it was his sister's that weighed heavy on his shoulders; for no matter how he tried to speak to her, she did not listen. Many times she would stand by his side and then the next moment be gone, leaving him searching for her. Though Eliniel was clever, she knew to stay out of sight if she did not wish to be pulled away, and Thorin wanted her near enough to find the deepest parts of the Mountain for them to explore. Once even, she had convinced him to dance with her, so entranced by her was he. Anything she asked he would give. _

_Most every day Thorin stole her away, catching her attention before disappearing down a hall – waiting as many moments as it took before she followed. And she always followed, bound to him as though with a string. "My prince," she would greet softly, her sweet voice a birdsong to his ears. _

"_Milady," he in turn would say, placing a kiss upon her hand and watching as she turned away smiling. _

"_Where would you like to venture to this day?" he asked, placing her hand in the crook of his arm as they walked down darkened corridors. _

_She was quiet a moment as she thought, having seen almost every crevice of his home within the span of ten days; only two remained before she and her kin would depart, a thought that saddened her greatly for in all truth she did not wish to leave. She would give the sun to stay, she would leave her trees and take the hard unforgiving stone to remain by his side. Though what she wanted mattered not, for she could not stay; and she could see on his face it was something that saddened him as well. She could feel it in how firmly he held her hand, in how deep his gaze was upon her face as he awaited an answer. "Anywhere," she told him, her voice a small whisper. _

"_Eliniel?" he asked concerned, seeing in her eyes a great need. _

_Her smile was a small quaint thing, exposing the quivering in her belly as she fought for the words to leave her tongue. "I will go anywhere," she said staring down into his eyes as he gazed up at her, "so long as you take me." _

_He stared up at her astounded, hearing what she truly wanted in that simple request. No words could come to him, he was left finding it more and more strenuous to draw breath; wanting nothing more than to agree. She wanted to stay, more than that she wanted to stay with him. He took her face in his hand, his chest burning with the need for air, running his thumb over her lips; many days now he had imagined the feel of them on his own. Had turned away from the thought by the question of if she would wish for him to; he could see it now in her eyes she did. He could take her as his wife, make her his queen, spend the rest of his days never having to face leaving her: this was a fool's dream. But by Durin's beard he was more than a fool, and she was too. _

"_Thorin?" _

_He turned to see Balin standing a little away from them, his eyes wide with shock at how near Thorin was to placing his mark on her. He looked back to Eliniel, a need written clear in his eye though she took his hand and lowered it from her face. "Will you be alright?" he asked, his voice deepened with desire. _

_She smiled gently, knowing this was truly coming to an end. "I can find my way back," she assured him. "Mister Balin," she said kindly, bowing her head before leaving both dwarves. _

_Balin stared after her, hating to admit he liked her more than he had first thought he would; but upon turning back to Thorin, seeing that his prince was staring at her back sad and lost, he wished she had never come. "Thorin?" Balin asked again, moving out of the way as Thorin charged past him. It left Balin with little else than to follow his prince, just barely slipping through the door of his room before it was slammed. He waited patiently as Thorin caught his breath, as he regained his senses now that she was no longer clouding his judgment. "This must end," he urged, knowing he was speaking out of place, but not wishing to see his dearest friend hurt. "She leaves in two morns." _

"_Do not tell me when she leaves as though I do not know," Thorin yelled turning on him. "I know the number of minutes before I will never see her again. I know." In a wave of frustration he grabbed his desk and flipped it on its side before storming out of the room. Leaving Balin shocked speechless at how obvious it was Thorin had fallen in love with her. _

…

_She did not leave her room the next day, instead seeking solace in the warmth of her bed and the numbing silence that allowed thoughts of him to slip away. Legolas stood against the door for many hours waiting for her to speak, watching her hand furiously drawing in her book. But she said nothing, nor did she acknowledge him; she knew he would never tell her that this was her fault, but she would see it in his eyes and it would hurt her none the less. _

"_Are you sure you do not wish to come to the feast?" Thranduil asked, standing beside where she lay. His voice was calm and level, but there was an edge beneath it. _

_What could she say, that she wanted to stay with Thorin for she believed they might love one another? "I do not feel well," she told him softly, curled tightly as though she could hold herself together. _

_He could sense her sadness, her longing: he did not understand it, but he knew something troubled her greatly. "Perhaps you will feel better when we are home," he said, touching her head briefly before leaving – not once looking at her. _

_But there lay the problem, returning home would do nothing more than leave her longing for a dwarf she'd irrationally allowed herself to have feelings for. This was her fault, she should never have taken his hand that first morning after they arrived. She should have done what she was supposed to, turn her back on him for the reason that he was a dwarf and she an elf._

_Sleep did not come to her that night, her mind was laden with thoughts and wants; keeping her awake with what she wanted but could not have. Hours into the night she gave up tossing and turning and instead lay thinking of his face, finding it handsome in its own right. Thoughts of his hand upon hers, the wonderful smile she could coax out of him at times, the burning of his gaze; her own fluttering heart, the reason she was so pained. _

_A flapping of wings caught her attention and she sat up staring at the door, hearing the sound of wings outside it once more. Looking down she saw her brother's peaceful face as he dreamed and she inched her way out of the bed and into the hall, seeing a dark raven at her feet. Taking the small parchment tied to its foot she held it up to read it under the torchlight. _

"_Meet me at the river's beginning," was its simple message. _

_The string pulled tighter around her and wearing no more than a thin sleeping gown she walked as quickly as she could through the Mountain, finding less and less guards to hide from the further she went, until finally she saw him sitting upon a rock waiting for her. _

"_I was not sure if you would come," he said when she sat beside him, his eyes looking to her to see she had come the moment the bird reached her: making him smile despite the fact knowing that did nothing more than hurt him all the more. _

"_Of course I came," she told him, staring down at the water; feeling his warmth beside her buzzing beneath her skin. They staid quietly for a while, simply bathing in the feel of the other so near – though as all things do, it had to come to an end. "I leave on the morn." _

_He swallowed before taking her hand in his, holding it tightly in his grasp. "I know," he whispered. She would leave, it was that simple. Her father would not allow her to stay, nor would his own grandfather. This was doomed to despair them from the very beginning. "Tell me you want to stay," he said, proving himself a masochist. _

_She turned to him, her eyes glistening in the dim light. "I want to stay," she said as he had asked. _

"_You wish to stay and I am a dwarf." _

"_Why does it have to matter?" she asked in turn, proving her heart was as gentle as it seemed. Naïve in the way only a kind young woman could be. _

_He stared at her, etching her face to memory so that he would never forget. "Tell me you love me," he said, knowing that was the reason why they were here now – why a dwarf prince and elven princess were sitting side by side in the dead of night holding fast to each other's hand. _

"_I love you." _

_Three words, so simple, so short, but they meant everything. She would never love again. A long unending life she would face, her heart taken and buried with a fool of a dwarf. He took her face in his hands, timidly pressing his lips to hers; a sigh escaping him before he stood and left her. _

_Dawn rose and Thror hosted a last meal for his elvish guests, bidding his goodbye to the Elvenking and his kin before they left. Thranduil felt his daughter's heavy heart like a wave crashing over him, taking note of the longing in the prince's eyes as he looked after her. Legolas remained at her side as they travelled home, grabbing her hand when she turned to look back to Erebor and its future king. Thorin stared after her, his heart raging furiously in his chest, screaming with every beat to go after her. But his feet stayed, and he stood watching her until she disappeared on the horizon._


	5. and in the dark

_Changes were noted in Eliniel at their return; she was withdrawn, quieter, she hardly ever drew. It pained Legolas to see that his sister had found a love that should have brought her a warm joy for her unending days – something he had always wished for her – what troubled him was that she loved a dwarf. His days would end much too soon, taking with him any chance of happiness she might have had; nor would their father allow it, Thorin was not simply a dwarf prince but the grandson of Thror who had in his possession a most glorious treasure the Elvenking strongly coveted. Legolas feared his sister had been condemned to a lifetime of sadness, and this would only be the beginning._

_She walked through life blandly, tracing lines she had carved of his face days turned weeks turned months. Never before had the passing of time felt so long, every hour growing longer the more she longed for his presence, his touch. If it were dark enough she could still feel his lips against hers, her cheeks flushed red her hands shaking as she touched her mouth wondering if he felt this torturous ache or if it were only she._

_Her answer was given weeks later, almost a year after they had set out to meet the King under the Mountain. She heard it in the flapping of wings, saw it in the black feathers of a raven dancing on a limb outside of her window. Hope fluttered in her heart as she moved to the window, a smile spreading wide on her face when she saw a parcel attached to its leg._

_"Find me on the north eastern most edge of your woods, as though you were returning to me."_

_It took her breath away, seeing the writing of his hand and reading his words; enough that tears of pure joy filled her eyes before she blinked and rushed to dress._

_"Are you going somewhere, sister?" Legolas asked when he saw her, her dress a simple green, her bow slim and lovely around her back._

_She gave him a small, barely noticeable smile. "I think the trees would do me good," she told him, nearly shaking with the fear that he'd see through her and lock her in her room. "I was thinking maybe if I, that if I just,"_

_"Eliniel," he said silencing her, taking her head in his hands and forcing her to look up at him. "You were never more you than after you had spent a week in the woods," he told her with a smile, thinking maybe he would get her back after all._

_She returned his smile, thankful he did not see the guilt lying behind her eyes before he kissed her cheek and walked her to the gate._

_"Four days," he said staring into the mass of their land. "I'll come looking for you after that."_

_As guilty as she felt lying to him, the moment she disappeared in the trees excitement filled her. She hardly slowed as she went, barely feeling the strain of constant moving, barely breathing at all if she didn't remind herself she needed to. The darkness of the wood thinned the closer she came to the end, these trees were hardly touched by the evil creatures further in, and she felt the sunlight on her skin warm and calm as she saw ahead the break of the trees._

_It was the smell of fire that drew her closer, stopping behind a tree when she saw his back. As though he knew, as if the light had glowed brighter and the air grown sweeter, he turned to look behind him catching sight of her. He sometimes thought he'd imagined her, or that he imagined everything that had taken place during her visit. But there she was, as lovely as he had been remembering. He should have said something remarkable, tell her he had missed her every day that passed without her and that he would never love another. No words left him when he opened his mouth, it was taking everything he had to breathe how could he possibly speak. He held his hand out to her, fighting for something to say to her as he'd spent the last months thinking of, and three words curled on his tongue before they fled when she took his hand._

_They sat side by side, their hands entwined, their frantic hearts beating together. He turned to her to say something, grasping for anything, but he turned away. Two other times he did this, sighing deeper when he turned away not understanding why something so simple as speaking to her was so hard. When next he looked to her he found her staring back, stealing the breath from his lungs. "Thorin," she whispered, a name she had not dared utter even in the darkest of night. She dared then, staring at his nervous face so sweet and young. _

_He stared at her for barely a moment, his name sung more beautifully than ever he'd heard it, before he kissed her. All pretense of shyness was gone, this was something that he had been dreaming of since the moment he had first pressed his lips to hers. Several long moments they staid, exchanging breath, pulling her closer so that she nearly sat upon his lap and even then he held her tighter. "It is insanity how much I missed you," he said when he pulled away. _

_She smiled at his words, seeing he had longed for her as strongly as she had for him. "You love me," she said softly, stroking his face with her fingertips feeling the curve of his smile. _

_"Aye," he breathed, "I love you."_

* * *

Eliniel rode her horse north over the mountains, taking the longer way for she knew what lay beneath her and it made her cautious. The ellyn her father sent with her to Rivendell had probably woken in a panic to find her gone, she did not normally leave without them - her father, their king, would be infuriated should they return minus their charge. It had been a brash mistake to have left them, but she had been at the foot of the mountains when she realized and it was too late by then. They had more likely than not gone as quickly as they could over to find her on the other side, only they would not find her for she had traveled far north.

Travelling down the Anduin river to find the road to her home, she passed by the Company without noticing them. She had been spotted a league away, before her ears had caught their sound: and upon not knowing who the lone traveler was the dwarves had silenced themselves and waited for them to come closer. On the opposite side of the river it was still easy to tell her elven heritage, though only two of the dwarves knew her and neither of them spoke a word to capture her attention. Balin looked to his king wonderingly, surprised he was not calling out to her.

"Lady Eliniel."

She turned at the familiar voice to see the dwarves huddled together and the much taller figure of Gandalf beside them. "Mithrandir," she greeted in return with a half hearted smile, having hoped to bypass coming across this company again. Though as if by fate she had stumbled upon them, just as they had been leaving. If she had come but not even an hour before or later she would have missed them entirely. She waited atop her horse as the wizard journeyed across the river, stepping from rock to rock before he stood beside her - leaving the dwarves no choice but to follow after, less enthusiastically to join their wizard when he was seeking the company of yet another elf.

"You are a long way from home, my lady," Gandalf bid her pleasantly. "Why did you journey so far north?"

She looked at Thorin when he stopped beside Gandalf, staring up at her displeased with her being there, and she noted the coloring on his face as well as the many cuts. "Goblins do not venture far north, they do not like the cold nor the sun which is unavoidable on the path I travelled," she answered turning back to the wizard. "I should have known you would have found trouble," she said wishing to turn away, the feeling of too much weight settling on her shoulders making her believe she might break.

Gandalf looked down at Thorin to see the dwarf king's eyes trained on her face, years of anger and longing burning in his gaze: mirroring the sadness that lay in hers. "Perhaps you could accompany us," he offered with a kind smile, seeing in her a straight path through the dark forest for the dwarves.

"What?" Thorin asked incredulous turning to look at Gandalf, ready to refuse if not for the hard look in the wizard's eye.

Even Eliniel had a refusal on the tip of her tongue, but Gandalf silenced her with a stern look and a small smile. "My lady," he appeased, "humor an old man. It has been many years since last I was in your company."

She could tell from his face he was not asking, and it made her wonder if perhaps he wanted something from her. Though he had always been so kind, so wise, a trinket here or there he offered after his many travels. How could she refuse. Though a look to Thorin's dark eyes and she very much remembered how she could.


	6. I can hear your heartbeat

"_How long will you stay?" she asked, laying on her back with her arm curled over Thorin, smiling at the feeling of his mouth on her cheek. _

"_As long as you are with me," he answered running a hand over the flat expanse of her stomach, enjoying the sun on his skin and the smell of flowers on her. _

_She turned to him with a sweet smile, allowing his arms around her as she settled. "I must return to my brother in four days time," she told him, wishing then for more. _

"_Then I will stay four days," he replied, brushing the hair out of her face, feeling her fingers running along his bearded jaw. _

"_You will come back," she said more as a question, her eyes telling him it worried her he wouldn't. _

_He smiled before kissing her once, holding his lips to hers just barely touching before pulling away. "I will always come back," he swore before kissing her again._

…

_It was paradise; staying on the outskirts of the wood those few days, talking quietly of their lives – of their pasts, as well as their futures – being able to touch her whenever he pleased – her hand, her shoulder, her face – laying beside each other at night and somehow finding each other as they slept so that they woke wound in the other's arms. They wanted it never to end, to be able to leave behind the responsibility of their lives and simply stay together on the edge of a wood in solitude._

_But the fourth day dawned and she helped him gather enough for him to return home, wishing more than anything there was a way she could go with him. "I will send you another raven in a few months," he told her holding her hand firmly. _

"_I will be waiting then," she said softly, smiling at his lips on her cheek before he climbed atop his pony. She watched him disappear before she turned back to her trees, walking quickly back to her home where Legolas was waiting for her. And as he'd sworn, a few months later she was woken again by the flapping of wings._

…

Eliniel stood beside her horse, whispering to him soothing words before she released him to travel back to Rivendell. Horses did not take well to their trees, and so the Lord Elrond graciously allowed them to ride to the beginning of Mirkwood before they sent them back. And she now, with Mithrandir demanding her presence, would be travelling the rest of the way on foot with the dwarves.

She could hear those behind her whispering, hearing her name or the spitting of the word elf – knowing they were speaking of her. It was Thorin she was listening to, staring at the river, hearing his angry words as he demanded to know why Gandalf wished for her, an elf, to join them. His words were biting, cruel, and he often forgot the sharpness of her ears: though she thought perhaps this day he was hoping to wound her.

"She will not be apart of my Company," Thorin told Gandalf stubbornly.

"I am not asking that she should," Gandalf told him as patiently as he could, though his patience was entirely wearing thin. "She knows the dark wood better than anyone else, she can navigate you through most of it until she returns home."

Thorin was already shaking his head. "No, I will not have it Gandalf. She has no place among me and my kin."

"Would you listen to reason?" Gandalf demanded, all patience he might have had crumbling.

The others were gathered together staring at the elf maiden and whispering as quiet as a dwarf was able. "Who is she?" Kili asked, staring at her pale skin and her long dark hair.

"The Lady Eliniel," Balin told him, having thought never to see her again.

Dwalin's eyes were unforgiving as he glared. "The Elvenking's daughter," he said gruffly, having only heard tales from his brother.

"She is a princess?" Bilbo asked, thinking her very lovely.

"Aye," Balin told him, "and much more than that."

That caused the others to all turn to him. "I'd say you know her," Gloin said, causing several of the others to voice their agreements.

Balin nodded as he continued to watch her, seeing the years of sadness etched on her face. "I was but a young lad when her kin visited Erebor."

"Does Thorin know her?" Fili asked at that, seeing that was the reason for his dark face as he spoke with their wizard.

She turned then, her eyes finding Balin's – though his face had aged she recognized his features. "He knows her very well," he told the others, staring straight at her. The words were leaving his mouth before he thought whether then was the right moment: but the others would see soon enough from the way Thorin looked at her, the softness behind the edge. "There will never be another he loves more."

A few of them gasped in complete shock at his words, and none of them were able to understand what he'd said when they all turned to look at him. No one said anything, almost too afraid. Kili nudged his brother, who hit him back harder. "M-mister Balin?" Kili asked timidly. "How do you know?"

Her eyes were soft and wondering as Balin stood watching her, her face so forlorn and lost it was almost as though she were another elf. The memory he had of her had always been her beautiful smile, and Thorin's own joyful smile as they stood side by side. "Because, laddie," he began, "I was the one who wed them."


	7. I tried to find the sound

_She heard him before she saw him, stepping from behind a tree to find Thorin pounding crude nails into wooden boards. He turned when he felt her near, seeing her standing behind him leaning against a tree as she watched him. Throwing aside the small hammer he rushed toward her, sweeping her long body into his arms so that he may place a kiss upon her smiling mouth._

"_How have the days seen you?" he asked pulling away. _

_Her face was sweet and lovely as she sat and looked up at him. "They have been well," she answered. And they had, her brother did not watch her so closely now that her smile had returned, she had even gone hunting with him – he was pleased to see her happy once more, not yet guessing it was Thorin who was the reason why. _

_He tucked her hair behind her ear, feeling her skin smooth and warm beneath his fingers. "Did you miss me?"_

_His eyes were burning as he awaited her answer, making her stomach clench and her cheeks pinken. "Greatly," she admitted, seeing the smile spread on his face at her answer. She surprised him rising to her knees and planting her own kiss on his mouth, forcing him to bend down to hold her. His hands were hot around her back, clenching the fabric of her dress in his fists as he pulled her closer. She would have been content to have never left that moment, to have stayed forever pressed against him. But they were pulled apart by the clearing of a throat. _

_"__Mister Balin," she said surprised as she stood and smoothed out her dress. "How wonderful to see you again." _

_Thorin watched Balin's face, seeing his cheek darken at her kind smile. "He did not approve of my sneaking away from Dale to come see you, so I bid him join me." _

_Balin nodded clearing his throat once more. "Aye, he was very adamant on returning and I couldn't very well let him come alone." _

_"__He is lucky to have a friend like you," she said kindly, making him blush all the more red. She looked down to see Thorin's small smile. "What is it you two are doing?" she asked walking around the foundation they had crafted. _

_Balin saw Thorin's nod and he moved around the back of the house to continue working. "I wanted to ask you something," Thorin said offering her his arm before leading her a little away. Several times he tried to speak, tried to say the words he had practiced over and over again: grand words that would have brought tears to her eyes from the sheer power of them. But not a single of them could he bring himself to say. And his heart beat rampantly all the more when he stopped and she sat down where he placed her. He could barely bring himself to look at her, his mouth running dry, his hands almost shaking. Never before had he been so nervous as he was then. "I need a moment," he said before turning from her. _

_She watched him concerned as he began pacing, hearing the quick thud of his heart and his breathing shallow, wondering why it was he was fretting so. The answer came quickly, in a blind rush of courage. _

_"__Marry me," he said, the words falling from his tongue in a rush. He moved to where she was and knelt in front of her, taking her hands in his and smiling. "Marry me." _

_Her eyes were wide with shock as she looked at him, seeing he was waiting anxiously for her answer. She had not thought he would ask, he was a dwarf prince why would he ever want an elf princess as a wife. But there he knelt, his eyes pleading for her answer. "Yes," she told him nearly laughing as tears filled her eyes. He laughed relieved before kissing her, pulling her close; feeling a thread of desire wind around him. _

_There was a question in her eyes when he pulled away. "What is it?" he asked softly, staring hard at her for any sign of doubt. _

_"__You are building us a home," she said, proving she knew what he was doing. "And we will live there?" That was the problem she was faced with, being wed in secret; it was not much of a life, though she would have taken it if it meant him. _

_He smoothed the hair from her face wishing he could tell her they could stay there as long as they pleased, but he was due to return in a fortnight and she only half that time. "Yes, we must be wed in secret," he told her watching her nod. "When I am king you will come to Erebor and we will rule together," he said, his voice filled with promise and his eyes filled with joy. _

_She smiled sweetly. "I will be your queen," she said imagining sitting at his side, a crown atop her head and their fingers entwined. She would be an elvenqueen of a dwarf kingdom. "And your people,"_

_"__will love you," he told her firmly, having seen concern grow in her eyes. And so he took her face in hands and forced to look at him. "They will love you as I do," he said gently, seeing her eyes look to the ground as she smiled faintly. Laying her head against his chest she sat comfortably as he held her, warm and safe in his arms as she listened to the rhythm of his heart. _

_…_

_Balin bore witness to their love, young and sweet as it was. But he saw every passing glance, each stolen kiss, a brush of their hands, their soft smiles as he worked and she prepared them food. He had hoped to convince Thorin that this was a mistake, that this would never be accepted and their fathers would force them apart if they were found out. But after that week, seeing the ring upon her finger and the possession between them; when Thorin asked Balin to return and wed them he agreed. For as destined to fall apart as their love was, as heavy the weight of impending sorrow was, for all of that Balin could not say no. _

_And so the two returned three months later, leaving Dale and his guards in the dead of night so that they may travel the rest of the way unaccompanied. Balin set loose the raven that Thorin brought, a small parcel tied around its leg bearing a message of love, and she found them a day later carrying a heavy sack. _

_"__What in Durin's name is in here, milady?" Balin asked when he took it from her, finding it heavier than he'd first thought. _

_She tore her eyes from Thorin's face to look at him. "Feathers," she answered. _

_"__What do we need so many feathers for?" Thorin asked stepping closer, wrapping a curl around his finger. _

_Heat flooded in her stomach at the feel of his hand brushing against her chest, his eyes blazing as he stared up at her. "We cannot have a home without a bed," she said softly, a fire erupting behind his gaze as he thought of her on a bed. _

_"__Perhaps we should continue?" Balin asked uncomfortably, his back to them as he looked at the feathers she'd collected – wondering how she'd snuck this past her brother. _

_She stood breathless and flustered as Thorin stepped aside, smirking as he moved toward the nearly finished home. It would be small, room enough for him and her to live. "Perhaps we should start on the bed frame," he said casting her a long look to see her standing with a hand to her chest looking at him in surprise. _

_Balin looked between her enchanted eyes and Thorin's needy ones before rolling his own. "Perhaps you should collect the wood," he offered. _

_Thorin smiled before taking her hand and pressing a lingering kiss upon against it, watching her lips part so that she could breathe. He left her with her heart pounding relentless in her chest, his touch lingering like a fire. "Milady," Balin said quietly as he moved beside her. He saw the need in her eyes, the rapid rise and fall of her chest, and he did his best to hide his smile. "Your dress?" _

_She took a few more deep breaths, trying to settle her heart so that she could speak. "Yes, it is in my pack," she told him breathlessly, trying to shake off whatever spell Thorin had her under as she watched Balin pull the white fabric from her pack. _

_"__It is lovely," he said looking at the stitches she'd spent the four months making in secret, seeing the way it fit her form. "You will look beautiful," he said, his cheeks darkening as he folded it neatly and put it back in her bag. _

_"__Thank you." _

_"__What are you thanking him for?" Thorin asked coming back with a pile of wood, looking between her and Balin's blushing face. _

_She smiled and shook her head. "You are not allowed to know until we are wed," she told him before kneeling by the large sack she'd brought and began stuffing the feathers into the coverlet she'd made – cutting the sharp ends off them before slipping them between the sewn together sheets. Thorin moved to stand behind her, his fingers running through her long dark hair of their own accord as he watched her work. _

_"__Thorin?" Balin asked wondering if he was planning to help make his own bed or whether he expected Balin to do it while he stood watching Eliniel. _

_He turned to Balin confused before seeing him standing by the pile of wood. "Of course," he said, reluctant to the warmth of her. He looked down to see her smiling up at him, a handful of feathers in her hand, and he bent down to kiss her cheek before going to work with Balin. It was a day and a half before they finished the small home, and she watched as Thorin and Balin dragged the now finished mattress onto the frame they'd made. It was their home, small and quaint and hidden partially by a few sparse trees. _

_Thorin dressed in his nicest clothes, agreed unhappily that he should at least try to smooth out his hair. But he spent most of the time pacing back and forth alone as Balin helped Eliniel prepare, feeling his heart beating frantically as he waited. He turned when he heard them, seeing Balin step from around the house and then Eliniel in her white dress. She was the most beautiful being he had ever before seen: her dark hair a halo around her pale lovely face, her dress whiter than her fair skin. _

_All custom was thrown aside, all tradition revoked as it had to be should their wedding be kept unknown. And it left the two looking to Balin, their hands held tight in the other's grasp, waiting for him to bless them. _

_He looked from Thorin's joyful eyes to Eliniel's seeing it written clearly in their faces that this was a love made to be written in song. "In the name of Mahal and Iluvatar, I bless you as dwarf as wife," he exclaimed watching as the two kissed for the first time as husband and wife. Balin stood for several minutes huffing and rolling his eyes as he waited. "Shall I prepare the feast?" he asked though he'd rather them on their own until morning. _

_Thorin had the same thought in mind, looking up at her heated eyes and bruised lips. "Leave us," he ordered before sweeping her into his arms and carrying her into her their home. And on that night, with his god and her god as witnesses, he claimed her as his wife._


	8. but then it stopped

Eliniel stood away from the others waiting for Bilbo to return with news of whether their company was being followed, and she wondered just what it was she had agreed to. She wished to leave them now, feeling Thorin's anger from beside her as he stood waiting – though she had ceased yearning for her trees the day Thorin had taken her hand in Erebor. She longed for cold unforgiving stone, patches of sunlight creeping through cracks in the ceiling; she yearned for him, though he did his best now to hurt her.

"What were you doing to have come this way?" Thorin asked of her, his voice hard and demanding – the accusation that she had tried to come across him heavy in his eyes.

She looked down at him surprised at the unkindness in his voice, seeing in his eyes he did not trust her fully. "Avoiding you," she answered harshly, hating herself for the sliver of guilt that wedged itself in her heart when he had shown her no kindness to speak of the moment he saw her in Imladris.

He stared after her astonished as she moved nearer to Gandalf, further from him. Unkindness was unknown in relation to her; she had never been anything but the sweetest being he'd ever met – it's what he'd loved about her, how she had seen the good in all things in the earth. Her naïve wish to live in a world where elves and dwarves could live in peace, where they could be wed and not have to hide. It was a world he used to wish for as well, one they had dreamed of together. He turned to his right feeling someone's gaze upon him.

"You have upset her," Balin commented, knowing he must have for such a crude tone to ever etch itself in her voice. "I remember a time when you feared to."

Thorin turned away from him nearly growling unhappily. "That time has long passed."

"Aye," Balin agreed sternly, seeing Thorin's stubbornness rearing its head. "You are not the same dwarf who loved her enough to wed her all those years ago." He knew he was speaking out of turn, that Thorin could order him silent – but there was apart of him, a small one, that would never stop loving her. And it was this part of him that looked back at Balin almost wounded.

He looked to his wife to see her head turned their way, her brows knitted in concentration, and he was instantly on his guard and straining to hear as she did. It was a few moments before he did, her elven ears much sharper than his, but the sound of howls was clear in the air as they moved closer.

But there was something else she heard, that the others had yet to – the sounds of a large animal with large feet running even closer; and then Bilbo's smaller feet racing back to the Company to warn them. The dwarves swarmed together as they fought the panic that the wargs and orcs were coming upon them once more. But Bilbo had different news, one Eliniel had been awaiting for they were in his territory. And so when the company ran to escape the large bear, she did little more than stare after them unamused and entirely impatient with them. At the sound of deep panting and a rumbling growl she turned uninterested toward the large bear now standing over her.

…

The bear chased them all the way into the home Gandalf had spoken of, the dwarves just barely managing to close the door on the giant bear – his jaws gaping and slathering as it tried to catch one of them. It wasn't until Thorin and Dwalin placed a beam to bar the door that he realized they were missing someone. His panic was noticed immediately as he pushed through the others to find her.

"What are you doing?" many cried when Thorin tore the beam from the door and opened it, charging out with his sword in hand to find Eliniel walking calmly to the door.

She looked down at his wide eyes and fearful face. "Is something wrong?" she asked.

He stared up at her appalled by the casual way in which she did not understand he'd been afraid for her. "Get in the house," he ordered her in a quiet growl, reaching for her and nearly throwing her inside before slamming the doors closed once more and barring them.

It was upon seeing her face that the others realized she hadn't been with them, though not many truly cared for her well being, they saw upon looking at their king's face that he did. He cared for her greatly, more than they had realized.

She looked around the home, built for a man much larger than normal, one she had only been invited in to the sparest of few times. Beorn was not one for company, not even with the princess of Mirkwood though he was more agreeable to her once she gave word for her kin to stay clear of his land. He knew her, as a man and a bear, it was why she had been without fear – though Thorin had no way of knowing that, and so his heart had stilled in his chest at the thought of her outside with the beast.

"You should have run," he told her harshly, pulling her aside after Gandalf told them all to rest.

She sighed heavily trying to move away from him, not caring for the way her body wished to fold against his own. "I held the belief you no longer cared for me," she said knowing those words would pain him.

Nor was she wrong. "How dare you say that to me?" he demanded, his voice no more than a whisper. Her answer was a long hard look before she left him, and he stared after her incredulous that she could ever think he did not care for her. She was his wife, the woman he had sworn to love til the end of his days – they had not always been this way, hurting each other for the sake of protecting themselves, dancing around one another for it hurt too much to stand still. He had loved her more than anything, needed her more than the air that quenched his starving lungs. He still did, not a day had gone by she had not haunted his thoughts; for months his dreams had betrayed him, allowing him to imagine retaking Erebor and calling for her after two centuries to rule beside him as his queen.

* * *

_He visited as often as he could, telling his father and grandfather he wished to stay in Dale for he wished them to believe he'd make a just king when his time came. It was what he should be doing, but he was young and foolish enough not to care. Not when every other month he snuck away to see her, finding her barely a day after he sent her a message. _

"_What excuse did you give your brother?" he would ask after they'd properly greeted each other. _

_More often than not she was lying naked over his chest, their clothes strewn on the floor of their small home, and them laying on the bed catching their breath as they finally said hello. "I told him I was visiting a friend," she answered; her friend was Beorn, whom his brother had met once and never wished to again – he was rude and wild, and she liked him. It was the perfect reason, staying with Beorn where her brother would not follow, which allowed her to spend as many days as she wished with Thorin. _

_He smiled as he tightened his arm around her. "How long can you stay?" _

_She sat up to look down at him, her face happy and carefree. "How long can you?" she asked instead of answering, watching as he realized what she meant. Her laughter bubbled around them as he grabbed her and rolled on top of her, his own laughter muffled as he kissed her. _

_The longest they had stayed together was two months, Eliniel having told her brother and father she desired to travel to Rivendell; biding her guards wait – Tauriel being one of them, convincing the others to wait on the western edge until their lady joined them. It was Tauriel who allowed Eliniel such absence, "joining" her on her hunts to appease Legolas. Though she never once asked where it was Eliniel went, she had a very strong idea it was to see the dwarf prince. And in turn Balin allowed Thorin his own absence, staying in Dale while Thorin was gone. Sometimes Eliniel ventured to Dale, hiding her ears behind her hair so she looked no more than a woman – though Thorin had told her in the privacy of their room that she could never pass for an average woman, her beauty far surpassed average. To which she had smiled and thanked him by pulling the dress from her shoulders and letting it fall to the floor, giving him everything she had to offer. _

_She stayed with him those two months, those two months showing them how complete happiness would be once he was king; though his duty as a prince called him back to his kingdom, and Balin saw her back to her woods so that she could return to her guards and quickly make their way to Rivendell. _

_As happy as they were, as quickly as they fell out of their lives and into the wonders of marriage – the moment they parted they took up their duties as prince and princess of a different race. And they longed for the days to pass so that they could return to their home, return to each other for they were never complete unless together. Dreaming of a life they would never come to have._

* * *

**_I have yet to see the new movie, which is now where I am in the story - so unfortunately I probably won't update again until I do, that way I at least have more of an idea of what happens. I did my best with what I was told happened in this particular scene, and from what I saw on youtube videos of production - but when I see the movie I'll come back and fix stuff and add in dialogue from the scene. Thank you all so much, again, for reading. _**


	9. and I was in the darkness

It was well into the night, after the others had all fallen into slumber, after Beorn had returned to find the dwarves in his home, that Thorin woke restless. His eyes found the place Eliniel had laid sleeping, though she did not lay there now – it were as though he'd felt her leave, and his heart dropped as he made for the door hoping against all anger and hatred that she would be there. And it was not until he found her sitting on the step staring at the night sky that he was finally able to breathe.

"You should not be out here," he said as he moved to stand behind her, his hand finding its own way to her soft hair.

Gandalf had warned them all to stay inside, though inside would not be any safer should Beorn want them to leave – and he greatly did not like dwarves, she remembered his disapproval when she'd told him of Thorin. "I wished to see the stars," was her answer, though in truth she wanted to be away from him even if it were for only a moment. Though even still, her want for him to be near could be heard in the beat of her heart; leaning into his touch as he ran his fingers through the dark strands of her hair.

He knew the truth, he'd heard it in her harsh words earlier – he had wounded her in the cruelest of ways, made her believe the love he'd once shown her had now left him. How he wished that the truth, it would be so much easier if it were. But he loved her, even now.

They staid there several moments, breathing in the cool night air, sharing their warmth as he stood pressed against her. The night was still around them, as though it waited with bated breath for how this scene would play out – if it would be one of love, or dissolve into anger and pain. Something broke him in those quiet moments, it had always been easier when they were alone – he only had to be himself with her, she never expected anything more. And so he found himself to his knees, his mouth trailing along her neck, his hands wrapping around her, his fingers entwining with her own as he held her.

She could almost imagine they were back in their small home still in love and ready to face the world so long as they were together. But the moment he reached the point of her ear the spell was broken and he was pulling away, though her hand refused to release him.

A burning rage was swirling through him, once again reminded of what she was and how much he abhorred her father. "Let me go," he ordered her, his voice low as he fought not to hurt her again. But she wouldn't have it, she looked up at him still clinging to his hand as she waited his next words – waited to see just how deep his hatred of her race had carved itself in his heart. "Eliniel," he said as he tried to pull away only for her grip to tighten.

"No." She defied him softly, her voice barely a whisper, but he heard it and it shocked him all the same.

"As your king I demand you release me," he said, fury quivering his stomach as he kept himself from ripping his arm from her grasp.

"And as your wife I am saying no," she told him, her voice still gentle though her hand was not – she clenched his arm in her fist refusing to let him slip away once more. His eyes were wide as she stared up at him, his breathing growing short as he was forced to stay with her – feelings he had been refusing now washing over him. "Tell me you do not love me any longer," she bid him, almost daring him to say it when they both were painfully aware it would never be true.

But even then, her warmth as intoxicating and alluring as the smell of flowers on her skin, he still tried. "I love you not." He watched her eyes flicker over his face, her brows drawn together as she sought the truth.

"I don't believe you."

And there it was, her unwillingness to let him go for she knew he loved her – she'd always known, no matter how he tried to convince her otherwise. So he did the only thing he now knew how, he hurt her. "You will lead us through the dark wood, and when we have come close enough to your home you will leave without a farewell. It would be easiest for us all," he said, knowing that it would but he only wished to spare himself the pain of saying goodbye; he knew very well when faced with it he would not let her leave, he'd fall to his knees and beg her to stay even a few days more. But he was no longer a dwarf prince, he was a king and he could not do such things as have an elf for a queen. He watched her turn away and let her hand fall from his finally doing as he wanted, though he greatly wished for her touch – but he was too late, the damage was done the moment he spoke the words that let her know he had no plans of ever seeing her again.

"Will you never be satisfied in breaking my heart?"

The pain he caused was palpable in the air around her, clear in the thickness of her voice. He was not being fair to her, she'd had nothing to do with her father's decision and yet he was giving her the blame – it was cruelty, and she did not deserve it. There was nothing he could do now, no way to take back the words he'd given her when they were the truth; and so he pressed his lips against her cheek before retreating inside, finding his youngest nephew at the door looking unhappy.

They both nearly flinched at the sound of her muffled weeping, though Thorin felt it like a dagger buried deep in his heart. "Go to bed Kili," he ordered as he closed the door, not allowing himself the chance to go back and swear he did not mean it. This was the only way, he could never stop hurting her and she didn't deserve it.

…

Eliniel dried her tears only minutes after she let them fall, they were not things an elf spared time for – or at least so her father had told her. And so she sat quietly watching the sky lighten as dawn came, drowning in her own muddled thoughts and wondering if perhaps Legolas had been right when he'd sworn she would regret ever meeting Thorin; for she was starting to, she greatly wished her father had bid her stay in their kingdom while he and her brother travelled to Erebor. This was not where she would be, she might have been wed to a fine ellon who would have made her happy, perhaps have given her a child to brighten her days. But that life was one she could not hold on to for it was not the one she wanted. She wanted a love full of yearning and desire, temptation though it was forbidden, a love that hurt so devastating she could barely breathe. She wanted passion and fire, and she had only ever found that in Thorin.

And so she sat watching morning bloom until she heard the dwarves wake, as well as an equally familiar voice deep and gruff finding his uninvited guests were now ready to be questioned. That was the moment she walked in, seeing Beorn turn to look at down at her unhappily. "Beorn," she greeted simply, no bow or curtsey, no nod of her head.

"Lady," he greeted in return. He never called her milady or Lady Eliniel, it was always lady – one of the many reasons her brother was not so fond of him. He held a biscuit out for her and waited until she took it from him before placing a bucket on the large table. "The honey needs harvesting," he said blandly, never asking for her help but always giving her work when she came.

It was a chore to keep herself from smiling at how little he'd changed, finding that she'd needed some normality when everything else was so drastically different. "Of course, I would not feel welcome if you did not have a task for me," she said watching an imperceptible smile lift the corners of his mouth.

As much as he detested visitors he'd reluctantly grown fond of the elf princess, she was far kinder than most he knew. "Is that the dwarf?" he asked turning heated eyes to where Thorin sat before looking back down at her.

She smiled briefly before grabbing the bucket. "I have honey to harvest," she told him kindly knowing he was not pleased to find dwarves in his home – least of all the one he knew to have broken her heart.

She did as she was told, though she did not mind harvesting the honey; the bees buzzed loudly and flew around her, tangling in her hair or simply resting on her shoulders. It was a warm day, a pleasant day and she could almost believe that should she stay here she'd be very happy – almost. But she knew Beorn was now deciding what to do with his unwelcome and unliked guests. She also knew that the dwarves would be leaving and that Gandalf would have her lead them in his absence – she could feel the darkness growing from within Dol Guldur, that would be where their wizard would depart for - and the orcs would not cease following them, not if the pale orc had ordered Thorin's head.

And all of this Beorn knew as well, which was what he was hoping to spare her from. If she knew the dangers the dwarf would face he very much was aware she may not depart from Thorin's side, and it would be her death as well. He did not like her woods, nor her kin – but there was a gentleness in her not find in the likes of a Silvan elf; a goodness.

She turned when she heard his heavy feet walking toward her, and she put down the half filled bucket and wiped her hands clean. "So we are leaving then."

Beorn nodded as he stared down at her considering asking her to stay and finish the honey before winter came, hoping to keep her away from the dwarf who so willingly cast her aside.

She could see the hesitation in his eyes, a softness she had not thought him capable. "There is no need for worry, I will take them so far as near my home that is all."

Is it, he wanted to demand of her. Knowing if Thorin so much as looked as though he wanted her to go further she would throw aside everything and follow him. But she was unhappy, he could see it, and he only nodded and motioned for her to follow him. "He does not deserve you," he said quietly as they walked to where the others were as they climbed atop the ponies he was letting them ride until they reached the forest.

She knew, she knew very well Thorin Oakenshield did not deserve her – but he once did, and sometimes she had felt she was the one who didn't deserve him. That time had gone now, and she was left raw and bare in its wake. "I will return to finish the honey," she told him, though there was little conviction in her voice.

He gave her a half smile of disbelief. "I won't hold my breath lady," he said watching her smile as she climbed atop her horse, before stepping away and looking at them all. "Go now," he bid them, "while you have the light. The hunters are not far behind."

They set a quick pace, the need for haste great when faced with bloodthirsty wargs and their riders, and they reached the start of her wood before night fell. She could nearly feel the trees rooting themselves in her bloodstream, so much apart of her as her own flesh. This was her home, not the unforgiving stone she had thought she craved.

* * *

_I still have yet to see the movie, however I did find a complete summary that has just about everything but dialogue and the finer details. What I'll probably do is incorporate parts of the book into what Peter Jackson did in the movie, and in some places maybe even just completely go with the book; but what I have now is of my own mind, as well as the few clips I can find on youtube. I hope everyone is still enjoying the story, and as always, thank you for reading._


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